Paul Johnson – I love you similes
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I love you like a worm loves dirt
I love you as much as amputations hurt
I love you as much as hobos smell
I love you like they love the dinner bell
I love you like midgets love limbo
I love you like STDs love a bimbo
But sometimes I’m down
It’ll make you frown
We’re gonna fall out of the tree
But that’s how it’ll go
When you’re tied at the soul
To a crazy stupid guy like me
Like a mold spore in a flooded bakery
Thats how happy you make me
Like a flesh eating disease on a wrestling mat
I’m thankful for you just like that
Like an alpaca loves Peru
That’s how much I love you
Like a tripping hippie loves a tree
Thats how much you mean to me
(refrain)
I want you to know I think you’re the one
Like how surely we’d die without the sun
I want you to know I’m in love with you
Like how surely you’d hate a scorpion in your shoe
That’s how surely I love you
I love you like a man without eyelids
Would love a staring contest
I love you like a women who couldn’t have any kids
Would love a new uterus
You make me as happy as birds of prey feel
When they see a box of kittens laying out in a field
I love you like a fly love shit
I love you like a fat man lives to sit
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